My son just left. Funny, he just got home.
My sadness is not complete. It used to be, but its better now.
I hadn't seen my boy for 11 years.
I have cried inside for 11 years. I have cried outside off and on for the same amount of time.
I knew that one day he would contact me. I knew it would be when he was 18.
He said he wanted to come and see me. My heart busted and blew flesh and blood and bone all over my bedroom.
But I was reborn.
I was given a new chapter, far away from the old white hot, searing pain of the past.
He came to visit me for 6 days. Heaven for me for 6 days. A reprieve from 11 years of death.
Then he had to leave. A new pain so much like the old one that its hard to tell the difference.
But this pain has hidden inside a small hope chest full of future promise and a light inside that sweeps away some of the darkness.
I will see him again, that's enough.
Enough to finally have a reason to go on living and not wonder why I'm here.